i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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