i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
