Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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