Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
