i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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