oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
