Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
