Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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