so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
