Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
