Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
