I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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