I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
