Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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