I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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