do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
