I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
