Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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