Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
