I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
