I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
