Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
