beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
