Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
