I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
