Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
