dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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