He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
