I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
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It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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