I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't think brook has ever known best
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
