don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
