why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
