You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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