I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
