I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
