She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
