Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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