Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
