Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
