Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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