his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
