Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
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Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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