if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
