If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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