I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
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Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.