Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.