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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?

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• (206): View more from Washington

  he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.

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  27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.

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• (516): View more from New York

  I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"

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• (585): View more from New York

  complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.

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  23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe

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• (904): View more from Florida

  HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams

  (226): View more from Ontario

  In case that's what u were picturing

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• (315): View more from New York

  she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker

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• (253): View more from Washington

  There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked

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