Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm experimenting with sincerity