I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.