I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha