i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
