Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
