Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
