She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
