My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
