i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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