question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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