Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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