and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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