so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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