Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
