i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
