and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
