I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
