i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
