Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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