Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I did not marry a roomba.
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