Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
