Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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