rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
