She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
