I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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