Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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