he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
