she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
