Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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