I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
