I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
