scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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