Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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