I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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