my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
