Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
