Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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